Knowing when you need help

There are times in your life that the treat of losing something so wonderful forces to take a closer look at yourself. admitting that you need help does not mean that you are weak; it's the opposite really. Knowing that you need help and going out to get it is a way to show your strength and your realization that you cannot control everything on your own. Seeing what you need to do makes you feel strong in that you can acknowledge that you are not strong on your own, and you need to get the help so that your stregnth can continue to grow along with those important people in your life.

Relationship Problems--What to do?

When do problems of one party in the relationship begin to negatively affect the other? Sometimes when one person in the relationship is going through changes or is beginning to question how they feel, and they express this to the other party, it begins to change things. Deciding to work it out is one thing, but putting in the REAL effort to change things is another. Can you just say I love you and I don't want to lose you and it's supposed to make things better?

Can you remove the doubts, fear or hesitation your partner now feels because of what has been said? No, but the qustion now becomes, should you have said anything? Who knows. The issue now becomes where you do you go from here? Is it worth trying to fix. You have to decide. Do you TRUELY love this person enough to work things out? This can be a difficult dilemma, especially when it feels like you may be growing apart.

You may begin to have feelings for another person who you think you are connecting to, but it's really because you are losing that connection with your partner. How do you come back from that? This is an individual or couples issue, and noone else can answer this but the two persons in the relationship. Good luck.

After the honeymoon, comes the test.

In relationships the first year is usually the honeymoon phase. This is the time that you think your partner is the most wonderfullest thing ever. Than you begin to see their flaws and they start to get on your nerves, this is the test. Can you survive this time or wil you walk away only to have it happen again in another relationship. Sometimes, it is best to just leave things be, but when the love shared is beyond your own power and no matter what you just do not feel it in your heart that letting go will be the best decision; you work it through. You will go through times of anger and saying mean things and maybe not being intimant because all of those emotional issues are blocking the sexual connection as well.
Talking through and understanding where each other is coming from really is the key aspect of this difficult time. Some choose to attend counseling and that may be the best effort, if the communication proves too difficult between just the two of you. Remember that listening to your heart about this is the most helpful, your mind may agree with your heart at times, but often our defense mechanisms tell us to just let go and you can move on. Can you really? When being without this person literally makes you feel incapacitated or unable to be happy, than working it out is the right choice.
If you can overcome this test of all relationships, the after honeymoon, but before deep, satisfying, tender, unwaivering love begins; you are very fortunate. Because, when you surpass this test to determine if you really can be together for ever and love truely and stand by each other, no matter what others say; you have something very special that will stand the test of time. What comes next is unexplainable; you begin to feel more secure in your bond, and you don't doubt your love this person, or their love for you. You can be your own persons, and still be one together, without getting in each others way of growth and maturity where needed. This level of compassion that rises is beyond words, it is the feeling in your heart that makes you tear up when you think of how deeply you really love this person. It is the feeling of your heart being weak at the amount of tenderness you feel towards this person. These feelings are amazing and because you have overcome such a trying time in your relationship, many other challenges will come, but you will have the strength to overcome them as well.
Love completely, yes, we all have and may get hurt at some point, but why keep yourself from feeling this beautiful sense of love, and finding someone to love you just as much. It is rare, so when you do find this level of love, don't let fear of pain keep you from experiencing it. If you both feel the same, you both will fight for what what you desire and want in and with the other person.

Keeping it between the two of you.

During difficult times in relationships we often feel the need to seek the advice of others. I understand this desire very well, but honestly you should keep it between the two of you, because there are things that the outsider cannot see that are the glue that keep you happy in your relationship. There are also things that you do not see that only an outsider can be privy to. Now seems like a two edged sword, because there seems to be no right answer to this matter.

What are the things you can pick and choose to discuss with an outsider? How intimate can you or should you get? What happens when the outsider is not willing to tell you everything about what they have seen. You cannot make a fully informed decision based on half-ass facts. This is proving to be perplexing dilemma. Okay, if your friend saw that your boyfriend or girlfriend was with another person, in a romantic embrace or on a date. Would you want them to tell you? If you were the friend, would you tell?

Many times friends don't want to get involved in these situations, because most couples stay together until they feel it has run it's course. Now why should anyone get involved? Why should you bother asking for advice when you know that no matter what you are staying with this person. Why do we seek advice when we really are going to do what we want anyway? I guess it's human nature.

Money isn't everything

When I think about all of the money that I have made since I started working and all the money I have used to buy things that I thought would make me happy it saddens me. Money is important, yes I know, but money cannot be the only thing you hold close to your heart. When you die, you would want to leave behind memories that you have made with loved one's, where does the money go? To the banks, government, organizations, maybe distant family members that you never even saw often. It is important to remember the important things in life. Cherish those you love and those who love you. Feel blessed when you are not too ill to work, walk, or breathe. It is the little things in life that brings moments of happiness.

Yea, you can buy a new car, new home, but if you have no one to share it with, what is worth then? Is it enough to be envied by others, who would stab you in the back? Is the worth it to be talked about only for the things you have, and not the things you have done, or the way you have touched lives? Work hard, but do not give your soul to money. It has become a necessity, but only because we have given it importance. "We were so happy poor, but when we got rich, signals got crossed" (Jay-Z). Love deeply, make happy memories, and allow yourself time to just be.

How things change

It's amazing to me that you can be so attracted to someone for so long; than out of no where, you gain a few pounds, and you are no longer good enough to have sex with. How does that happen? When does being in a relationship mean that you cannot get comfortable? How can you be so fine to others, but your own partner finds you so disgusting that they cannot even keep an erection when you are together? Wow, that sucks, how do you work through that? How can you deal that type of rejection? Who is that strong? I would like to know, who can look their partner in the eyes again after being told...without so many words; you are not attractive enough to me to make love anymore?! When does your love stop being foolish and reality sets in and you don't accept being good enough, instead of the best?! It doesn't make sense and it doesn't work after those words are said. You cannot take back rejection! You cannot become attracted to someone after feeling like they were not good enough; you cannot change those facts. It has to end, no matter how much it hurts.

50/50? Really?

Why do people say that relationships should be 50/50? There is no such thing. There is always one person that gives more than the other. But the question is when does the person giving the 60 or plus % stop wanting to be the one giving the most? When do you get tired of giving so much and not getting what you expect in return? Why can't it be equal? Why can't we love equally? It just is not in the human nature of things; men like to be the pursuer, women like to be pursued, some women enjoy being the pursuer as well. Why the games? When will it all be put to rest and a couple can be together without the games and the bullshit? Why can't it just make sense? It hurts when you are the only person, or so you feel, putting the energy in the relationship to keep it together. When do you get tired of keeping it together?; when do you say, I want to give up, because it is just too much to always be trying to keep it together. When does being tired turn into giving up and walking away? The sands of time turn, but to what? to when? I don't know. I am just asking the questions. It just does not make sense to me at all. Why should one person always be giving more than another when it comes to love? Can't it be total requited love? When did that go away? Let me know.

Making new strides

I have been in school the last couple of days and this is what reaffirms my decision to be come a counselor. Helping others and being a part of their success and self-actualization is a rewarding goal that I hold for myself. It is important to look at what you are doing and if it helping others around you become better for themselves and their loved ones. This need to only make money is ideal and the American way, but when the money gets to be more than you can spend, what else do you have? Ideas, that never flourished, delusions of grandeur in your own mind? How does your family see you? How do your friends and colleagues really feel about you as a person? What do you think others will say about you? These are important things to ask yourself and make necessary changes to increase the positive reactions.
We can never please everyone, but if more people feel good about you ad how you touched their lives, than bad; I think that is a great indication of how you have lived your life.

LeBron James... was it the right choice.

Hi all,
The big topic of the past weekend has been LeBron James and his decision to come to the Heat. This decision, at first a quandry, has proven to be the best one he made. By the words and verbal retaliation of his old coach or owner, you would think he lost his cash cow. That is precisely what happend. It is said that during the 7 years of LeBrons time in Cleveland, they have had ALL at home games sold out; that's right SOLD OUT. So what this means is that the Cleveland Cavaliers and their city are going to lose a lot of money.

But why should a 25 year old man have to care about an entire city being put on his shoulders. He wants to build a strong base and history to look back in his old age. He doesn't want to say, i brought Cleveland out of its recession, but instead I won several championships.

I am no sports conisor, but I do know when it's more than the love of the game. If it was just that he could of stayed playing on the courts around the way. It's about winning. Welcome to Miami LeBron and family. I wish you the best and a championship before the Cavaliers.

Understanding men and women

I just don't get them. Why is it that when a man is with his woman, he can sometimes act like she isn't even there? But, the moment she is ready to walk out, he becomes very attentive and is concerned? It seems like a game. I know they say based on our history men enjoy being the persuer, but let's get real and come in to the times. In the age of cougars and kittens, and what other animal name they deicde to give women how can men still say they should be doing the chasing. We women at this time in our history we should be able to go after what we want. There is nothing wrong with taking the initiative and letting a man know that you want him.

Now, the flip side is that these women are viewed as whores. Why is that? When a man goes after women he is cool and that is expected, but a strong woman sees someone she wants and goes after them, she is too aggressive. How different these perspectives are. Think about your gender role and how it defines you. Do you fit the role that has been laid out for you by society? your family? your culture?

Open to new things

I have seen several people that have not allowed themselves to be open to new eperiences or ne people and they lose such an amazing opportunity in their life to grow and learn from. This implies to relationships intimate or professional the same. When you allow yourself to give in and enter a friendship, intimate relationship that you would usually not the majic that may await you is spectacular. I have entered this realm and I have become the happiest, love struck woman I know. It is amazing how that one chance encounter or that one conversation or saying yes to a first date can change the rest of your life.

I am here to say do not give up on the goodness of others or yourself. Don't feel that there are no good people in the world. Even the person at work everyone says is mean and rude, can be ever pleasant to you, because your attitutde and hance taken to talk to them has allowed that sie of them to be expressed. Do not limit your ability to postively affect the lives of those around.

Looking towards the future

Last night I was thinking to myself about all that I have accomplished all that I still ahve left to do. I am in school working on my 2nd Masters in Mental Health Counseling and going to pursue a dual degree with Marriage and Family Therapy as well. It seems like I have no time for msyelf and it is beginning to take it's toll on me. I am dwelling on my relationship and analyzing what I am getting out of it and how much more can I give and receive out of this. I am pushing forward, but feel like I am doing it alone.

I have made my needs, wants and desires for the future known and it seems to be taking effect possitively, but until I can get a handle on my own issues I don't think we will move forward enough to make an impactful difference in our relationship. Between school, my child, work, my relationship and trying to promote my book, I am stretched thin.

I know that is all worth it, because I would not take back anyone in my life or change my drive for a better me and life with my son and boyfriend. It is hard, but I know remaining strong and focused will help us all get to where we all want to be.

When will it all make sense?

I have been thinking about if I am really where I want to be, or more importantly, should be? I have am having some doubts about my progress in life. I know I am farther than many, but I am not farther than where I saw myself at this age. When will it all make sense? I am not sure, I just keep working on my present and focusing on my future and hope that it will all make sense to me some day. Take time to figure it all out; the answer will never reveal itself without you digging for it.

Love Is Bisexual now available at borders.com

I would like to proudly report that my book Love Is Bisexual: Five Phases of Love is now available at borders.com. Get your copy and see which phase you are in or have been in. It will help you figure out some patterns you have succumb to in your intimate relationships.

Changes

Relationships are like the seasons, we cannot think that we can continue to do the same things and we will grow. We too need to change as the leaves and snow, and rain feed off of each other to bring these wonderful changes to the world around us. Never allow yourself to give up on the one you hold truest to yourself. It makes no difference what the situation is, unless physical or emotional abuse is taking place, working together can create a change in the tides you would never have expected.

Be willing to be open and honest and share dreams, fears and hopes with one another. Togetherness means thinking in terms of 'us' rather than 'me'. Don't be afraid to open up and share these things with the person you hold dear. If you continue to hold things back, you will be pushing them away and you may regret not having been more to and for that person. Keep loving, kissing and talking.

Never Again

Never again

I thought you different,
I felt you cared,
But feelings were wrong.
You’re just like all the rest,
Only caring about yourself,
Lying and deceiving
A heart filed with meaning.
Wanting to be so much for you,
Needing to be the only one.
Emotions running and getting caught
In your net of false, misleading words.
Nothing will be the same,
I hope to never hear your name.
Eyes that once cared are
Now consumed with anger.
Believing in all that you could be
Has hurt and damaged me.
Farewell to you and your lies,
Goodbye pain, never will I allow you again to rise. Stay away and never return
For love in this heart will never again burn.

Feeling unappreciated

When do you know that your partner doesn't really want you anymore? Perhaps it's when they begin to exclude you from activities in their life. Leaving your girlfriend home alone when you go out, not for a boys night out, but to be with a group of mutual friends is wrong. When you hide that you plan on attending an event until th day of the event is wrong. Why should you put up with that? You shouldn't!!

There is never a good reason to leave your partner in the dust while you enjoy yourself. Is it because you are hiding more than the event? Who was going to be there that you couldn't be? What was going to happen that you could not be a part of? All of these questions lead to the only realistic responce, you are no longer wanted.

So, why stay where you are not appreciated and treated like a lover, instead of just a friend, or someone who does things for them. There is no reason. Be strong and move on. Someone who will know how to appreciate and love you right will come along. It's too bad it wasn't them.

How did I get here?

Sitting down and figuring out where you are in your life is an important step that many should be willing to take. To ponder upon your accomplishments and unsuccessful endeavors is very nourishing to the soul and mind. If we do not review our past, we may continue to make the same mistakes. It is important to remember that we as a person must decide our path. Noone else chooses this for us, not our parents, lovers, or friends; they may nudge us in a specific direction, but in charge they are not. Take responsibility for your own actions and you will begin to feel empowerment.

Allow yourself the humility to learn from your errors and to learn from others. We can learn so much from anyone we meet, but if you are not open to this opportunity you will lose a chance to grow and learn. Always love yourself and be true to you, before you can do this with anyone else.

So what's next?

When you think about your life do you feel content, or proud about where you are? If not than you need to reevaluate things and begin a change within yourself. I have been thinking about where I am and where I want to go. I am making strides to that future, but those I want to come with me are not so lucky. Sometimes you need to change your surroundings in order to fully grasp where you should be. Remaining in the same environment does not allow you the room to spread your wings and explore other options. Always remain honest with yourself to make the best decisions.

What if?

What if all you had was one day? Who would you want to spend it with?

What if you had to choose one person to spend the rest ofyour life with? Who would you choose?

What if you had just one chance to let someone know how you felt? Would you take it?

Lost--Poem by Djenepha Polynice

LOST



I am lost without you,
I am lost with you.
I lost myself with thoughts of us,
But you were lost in other lusts.
I gave you all I had and more,
But you chose to lie instead.
I thought our paths were clearly lit,
But it seems darkness persists.
I have forgiven, but I cannot forget,
The hurt you put in my heart and head.
I tried to lose the thoughts,
Instead you continue to lie and I lose faith.
Close is how I thought we were,
More like closed to what we fear.
You never let me in to share your heart and tears.
Is it because you never really loved me?
Is it because you no longer want me?
I do not like the way I feel,
And it’s because you disrespected;
Our relationship with your flirtations, and getting
numbers from perspectives.
Don’t you know that I’m the best?
You will find out when you fuck with the rest?
I thought I was lost, but now I see;
It’s you who’s lost, because you’ve lost me.

Where am I going?

Sometimes it's hard to focus. There is so much I want to accomplish, but at the age of 31 I feel like I am so far away from where I want to be. When you're in high school you think that 30 is far away, but it creeps up on you so quickly. You imagined what you would be doing, how successful you would be. But when you reach that point it seems like time is being lost and you are still not even close.

Why even bother loving someone?

Love can be so overrated at times. When do you decide someone is worthy of your love? Is anyone really ever worthy of that? Sometimes it feels so great to feel those feeling of love and we jump into those emotions before we see all of the faults the other person has and if you can deal with those flaws. Only time will tell.

Infatuated Love Phase

Infatuation can lead to several emotions that are not always healthy. Have you ever been infatuated with a person and just didn't really know why? This is a phase of love that usually does not last and can be harmful to the one doing the infatuating.