How things change

It's amazing to me that you can be so attracted to someone for so long; than out of no where, you gain a few pounds, and you are no longer good enough to have sex with. How does that happen? When does being in a relationship mean that you cannot get comfortable? How can you be so fine to others, but your own partner finds you so disgusting that they cannot even keep an erection when you are together? Wow, that sucks, how do you work through that? How can you deal that type of rejection? Who is that strong? I would like to know, who can look their partner in the eyes again after being told...without so many words; you are not attractive enough to me to make love anymore?! When does your love stop being foolish and reality sets in and you don't accept being good enough, instead of the best?! It doesn't make sense and it doesn't work after those words are said. You cannot take back rejection! You cannot become attracted to someone after feeling like they were not good enough; you cannot change those facts. It has to end, no matter how much it hurts.

50/50? Really?

Why do people say that relationships should be 50/50? There is no such thing. There is always one person that gives more than the other. But the question is when does the person giving the 60 or plus % stop wanting to be the one giving the most? When do you get tired of giving so much and not getting what you expect in return? Why can't it be equal? Why can't we love equally? It just is not in the human nature of things; men like to be the pursuer, women like to be pursued, some women enjoy being the pursuer as well. Why the games? When will it all be put to rest and a couple can be together without the games and the bullshit? Why can't it just make sense? It hurts when you are the only person, or so you feel, putting the energy in the relationship to keep it together. When do you get tired of keeping it together?; when do you say, I want to give up, because it is just too much to always be trying to keep it together. When does being tired turn into giving up and walking away? The sands of time turn, but to what? to when? I don't know. I am just asking the questions. It just does not make sense to me at all. Why should one person always be giving more than another when it comes to love? Can't it be total requited love? When did that go away? Let me know.

Making new strides

I have been in school the last couple of days and this is what reaffirms my decision to be come a counselor. Helping others and being a part of their success and self-actualization is a rewarding goal that I hold for myself. It is important to look at what you are doing and if it helping others around you become better for themselves and their loved ones. This need to only make money is ideal and the American way, but when the money gets to be more than you can spend, what else do you have? Ideas, that never flourished, delusions of grandeur in your own mind? How does your family see you? How do your friends and colleagues really feel about you as a person? What do you think others will say about you? These are important things to ask yourself and make necessary changes to increase the positive reactions.
We can never please everyone, but if more people feel good about you ad how you touched their lives, than bad; I think that is a great indication of how you have lived your life.

LeBron James... was it the right choice.

Hi all,
The big topic of the past weekend has been LeBron James and his decision to come to the Heat. This decision, at first a quandry, has proven to be the best one he made. By the words and verbal retaliation of his old coach or owner, you would think he lost his cash cow. That is precisely what happend. It is said that during the 7 years of LeBrons time in Cleveland, they have had ALL at home games sold out; that's right SOLD OUT. So what this means is that the Cleveland Cavaliers and their city are going to lose a lot of money.

But why should a 25 year old man have to care about an entire city being put on his shoulders. He wants to build a strong base and history to look back in his old age. He doesn't want to say, i brought Cleveland out of its recession, but instead I won several championships.

I am no sports conisor, but I do know when it's more than the love of the game. If it was just that he could of stayed playing on the courts around the way. It's about winning. Welcome to Miami LeBron and family. I wish you the best and a championship before the Cavaliers.

Understanding men and women

I just don't get them. Why is it that when a man is with his woman, he can sometimes act like she isn't even there? But, the moment she is ready to walk out, he becomes very attentive and is concerned? It seems like a game. I know they say based on our history men enjoy being the persuer, but let's get real and come in to the times. In the age of cougars and kittens, and what other animal name they deicde to give women how can men still say they should be doing the chasing. We women at this time in our history we should be able to go after what we want. There is nothing wrong with taking the initiative and letting a man know that you want him.

Now, the flip side is that these women are viewed as whores. Why is that? When a man goes after women he is cool and that is expected, but a strong woman sees someone she wants and goes after them, she is too aggressive. How different these perspectives are. Think about your gender role and how it defines you. Do you fit the role that has been laid out for you by society? your family? your culture?

Open to new things

I have seen several people that have not allowed themselves to be open to new eperiences or ne people and they lose such an amazing opportunity in their life to grow and learn from. This implies to relationships intimate or professional the same. When you allow yourself to give in and enter a friendship, intimate relationship that you would usually not the majic that may await you is spectacular. I have entered this realm and I have become the happiest, love struck woman I know. It is amazing how that one chance encounter or that one conversation or saying yes to a first date can change the rest of your life.

I am here to say do not give up on the goodness of others or yourself. Don't feel that there are no good people in the world. Even the person at work everyone says is mean and rude, can be ever pleasant to you, because your attitutde and hance taken to talk to them has allowed that sie of them to be expressed. Do not limit your ability to postively affect the lives of those around.

Looking towards the future

Last night I was thinking to myself about all that I have accomplished all that I still ahve left to do. I am in school working on my 2nd Masters in Mental Health Counseling and going to pursue a dual degree with Marriage and Family Therapy as well. It seems like I have no time for msyelf and it is beginning to take it's toll on me. I am dwelling on my relationship and analyzing what I am getting out of it and how much more can I give and receive out of this. I am pushing forward, but feel like I am doing it alone.

I have made my needs, wants and desires for the future known and it seems to be taking effect possitively, but until I can get a handle on my own issues I don't think we will move forward enough to make an impactful difference in our relationship. Between school, my child, work, my relationship and trying to promote my book, I am stretched thin.

I know that is all worth it, because I would not take back anyone in my life or change my drive for a better me and life with my son and boyfriend. It is hard, but I know remaining strong and focused will help us all get to where we all want to be.

When will it all make sense?

I have been thinking about if I am really where I want to be, or more importantly, should be? I have am having some doubts about my progress in life. I know I am farther than many, but I am not farther than where I saw myself at this age. When will it all make sense? I am not sure, I just keep working on my present and focusing on my future and hope that it will all make sense to me some day. Take time to figure it all out; the answer will never reveal itself without you digging for it.

Love Is Bisexual now available at borders.com

I would like to proudly report that my book Love Is Bisexual: Five Phases of Love is now available at borders.com. Get your copy and see which phase you are in or have been in. It will help you figure out some patterns you have succumb to in your intimate relationships.

Changes

Relationships are like the seasons, we cannot think that we can continue to do the same things and we will grow. We too need to change as the leaves and snow, and rain feed off of each other to bring these wonderful changes to the world around us. Never allow yourself to give up on the one you hold truest to yourself. It makes no difference what the situation is, unless physical or emotional abuse is taking place, working together can create a change in the tides you would never have expected.

Be willing to be open and honest and share dreams, fears and hopes with one another. Togetherness means thinking in terms of 'us' rather than 'me'. Don't be afraid to open up and share these things with the person you hold dear. If you continue to hold things back, you will be pushing them away and you may regret not having been more to and for that person. Keep loving, kissing and talking.

Never Again

Never again

I thought you different,
I felt you cared,
But feelings were wrong.
You’re just like all the rest,
Only caring about yourself,
Lying and deceiving
A heart filed with meaning.
Wanting to be so much for you,
Needing to be the only one.
Emotions running and getting caught
In your net of false, misleading words.
Nothing will be the same,
I hope to never hear your name.
Eyes that once cared are
Now consumed with anger.
Believing in all that you could be
Has hurt and damaged me.
Farewell to you and your lies,
Goodbye pain, never will I allow you again to rise. Stay away and never return
For love in this heart will never again burn.

Feeling unappreciated

When do you know that your partner doesn't really want you anymore? Perhaps it's when they begin to exclude you from activities in their life. Leaving your girlfriend home alone when you go out, not for a boys night out, but to be with a group of mutual friends is wrong. When you hide that you plan on attending an event until th day of the event is wrong. Why should you put up with that? You shouldn't!!

There is never a good reason to leave your partner in the dust while you enjoy yourself. Is it because you are hiding more than the event? Who was going to be there that you couldn't be? What was going to happen that you could not be a part of? All of these questions lead to the only realistic responce, you are no longer wanted.

So, why stay where you are not appreciated and treated like a lover, instead of just a friend, or someone who does things for them. There is no reason. Be strong and move on. Someone who will know how to appreciate and love you right will come along. It's too bad it wasn't them.